I needed a moment. An hour. To call my own.
Desperately.
Em has not taken a bottle once in all of her 15 weeks. Not. One. Single. Time.
When I had mastitis and thought I was dieing internally? Nope. My doctor gave me this long look of pity when I told her that I couldn’t just pump on that side. Tears just streamed down my face while I fed her. All my years on this earth and that is single-handidly the worst pain I have EVER experienced. Why? Because it doesn’t just stop. Em nurses for hours a day. HOURS people.
My Mom was here a week ago and was shocked with how much time that little lady takes to eat. I spend at least seven hours a day just feeding her.Not to mention the fact that I have a toddler, a house to keep clean, and after all is said and done have to try to take care of myself.
I am making enough milk. I can pump 8-10 ounces at a time in less than five minutes. I have over 100 ounces in the freezer stored up.
She just takes her sweet time. Which is fine. I am not mad, or upset in the least. I just wish she would take a bottle once a week-or once a month-or at least once so I know she can if there is an emergency(like if I have to take my heart medication).
Tonight I wanted to be able to get out and attend a workshop at Home Depot. I readied both of the kids, their rooms, got a bottle ready just in case and fed Em right before I left.
I was gone for a little over an hour.
In one hour I cut, sanded, and painted a large “N” for part of my “Noel” display. I checked my phone-no texts-no missed calls. This made me smile as I pranced out of the store-in “real” clothes, with my new craft, excited about this little success. Having a little time to myself. Just an hour.
I come home slip off my shoes and go upstairs. My poor little family.
Em had been screaming so hard that she actually passed out.
The Toddler was terrified of her screaming and just sat frozen in his bed.
My husband was in tears.
My heart hit the floor. I selfishly wanted a little time.
My husband is the best dad I know and I should have never left him in that position.
Em needs me and you know what? This is just a stage. So that hour? It was bliss. But I can wait until this stage is over to have a little me time. She is only little once and frankly I am thankful that she is healthy, happy, and my little angel.
